Boundaries

I had an interesting conversation tonight which seemed to add validity to a concept I've been thinking of. The concept of boundaries. Now there has been extensive studies done on this from all sorts of backgrounds and it seems to fit in line with my concept/understanding of it, so this is no new idea. How often do you feel pressure? What kind of pressures do you feel? Are you aware how often you feel pressure?

These questions came to me when I was asking myself why I react to certain situations the way I do. Anger, caution, intrigue, etc. are all triggered by my innate defense mechanism I call my "boundary". Often I refer to this as ego and it's interesting to see peoples' reactions to the word ego because most associate the definition to mean an inflated and arrogant self. Not true. Ego is actually a sense of identity. Not good or bad, just is. Our ego is what interacts with the outside world. Some use it for good, some for bad, some haven't a clue of who they are because they have not properly engaged their ego.

Now to demonstrate this boundary I speak of and how it relates to the world is actually quite simple. We all have an ego (it's okay, you can admit it). Egos are and can be a good thing. The problems we experience in our communication as a species is that often times peoples' egos cross over from the boundary of their own being into yours. Someone is projecting onto you what they feel and/or think and will not accept anything less than you sharing that thought or emotion with them. How often do we know someone who has trouble maintaining balance in their lives and pushes the burden onto their friends and family? It's important that we learn where our boundaries are and how to deal with the balancing act (which we'll do until the last of our days) in order to build real relationships with others. It's been in my experience that most people claim to understand this but fail to comprehend the depth. Same thing as understanding the word love, which is a four letter word with some abstract designs for those letters that we attach a definition to. Love is more than a word can possibly do justice for. It's subjective not objective.

An example of this delusion of us not recognizing our own boundaries is when we make judgment calls. Come on now we all do it. We all have a sense of right and wrong and we very easily voice ourselves when we think something wrong is being done. This is the part where we overstep our own boundaries and project unto others our interpretation of the situation. I feel this is where most of our problems in this world seem to linger. We will justify our strong conviction which is really just a strong emotion and project that beyond our boundaries in the hopes that the receiver will change into the outcome we want them to. This gets a little tricky. You may be right, you may be wrong. But how will you know when the right time is to voice this strong feeling you have inside without violating the boundaries between you and the other person? Unless the other person is clearly putting themselves (or others) directly in harm's way then there really is very little you should say. Most of us are capable of determining this, but most of us get caught in the emotion the event triggered and that's where things get whacky. No one can blame or get upset for someone doing what they feel is right, but what ends up happening is we feel an overwhelming emotion and stay with it and further it by over stating it in words. Fear is a classic example of this. Most people can not go from 0-60 and back to zero again without putting into words whether verbally or through thought, the feeling they just experienced. Sometimes it's good to have a support group around that can engage and allow the sharing of an experience while other times it's really just best to check yourself and regain control. I feel this is where the practice of meditation comes in handy. Allow your brain to chill out and stop forming words and ideas and just let things be.

With that I feel we can really progress as a species in a more efficient manner by allowing our own boundaries to be checked and rechecked before we blurt every nuance of a thought unto others.